The Well of Deep Thoughts
I think, in general, with what has been happening lately, many people are questioning “Why”. Once again, we are faced with another shooting. Another school shooting, only this time very young kids (grades K-4) are involved. Back in October there was Hurricane Sandy who blew through the greater New York/New Jersey area. We are still in the worst economy I have ever personally lived through. There are people who are believing with their whole hearts that the world will end on 12-21-2012.
I makes me think about things. Like, how do we ever know what someone is facing? Can we make things better if enough of us keep compassion in our hearts? Are people really as bad as they seem, or are they just doing the best they can with the tools they have? Yes, there is some “bad” people out there, and there are some “evil” forces at work - but how about the majority of human beings? Perhaps, but we could do better.
One of the things I did yesterday was collect responses from various celebrities on Twitter in regards to the Newtown, CT tragedy. I was comforted by the fact that this event touched most of them (that I followed at least). They were affected and not at all removed from it, and that gave me great Hope.
Do many people feel like I do? How I feel is overwhelmed by what is going on here on this planet. These acts of violence, these forces of nature, the corruptness of government and financial institutions, the coldness of the medical community….and then what is happening in my own private world - with health issues, with family issues, with friends, with people I have to deal with regarding something I need. Everything seems to be a fight. Criticism flies easily. Put-downs, invalidation and name-calling appear to be too common. I see it all around me.
I wonder how much a little understanding and love would get us. I wonder if how much a little banding together would get to the root of the problem, instead of just putting a band-aid on the boo-boo. Instead of Teamwork, I find competition, favoritism, cliques, and a sense of entitlement.
I can only speak of what I know in my own experience. I know that I am a very sensitive person by nature, and we who are like that, tend to get hurt very easily, but we also hurt for others just as easily. I know, since I’ve been a little girl, I had a hard time with any concept that separated people. I didn’t like competition, unless it was used as a sport & it wasn’t taken too seriously. All other forms of competition - the Homecoming Queen in High School, The Most Popular - all those bullshit categories you voted for. What message did that convey? That if you “won” one of these, you were the “Cool Kids” and if not, you weren’t as good or worthy as a person?
Favoritism really bothers me. It did when I was a kid, and it still does today, regardless of the relationship. The Teacher’s Pet, I’m Dad’s Favorite, This Friend is my Best Friend or I am Closer to Her than You, That One’s Support Means a Great Deal but Yours Does Not… how does that make one feel? If you are the one who didn’t “make the cut”, how are you supposed to feel? If you DID, how do you feel? One day maybe I’ll take a walk down Story Time Lane and write about individual experiences, but this blog is just a generalization.
In light of the most recent school shooting, I find myself asking a lot of “big questions”. I just feel, if enough of us made baby steps and tried to band together more, maybe there would be a big enough shift in world consciousness. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about, but isn’t it worth a try?
Aren’t most of us only trying the best we can? Do most of us mean to hurt people? Yes, some do and don’t care. There will be those who are self-centered and lack empathy. There are those who will do horrid and evil things, like the shooter in this school tragedy. There’s always a few of those, but how about the majority? Can we be better to one another? Is there any way to change this? Can we be more understanding? More forgiving? Try to put ourselves in someone’s shoes?
Lord knows, I’m not perfect at this myself, but I try. I try to do little things to make people feel better. I try to act goofy and put a smile on someone’s face, or make them laugh. I also bleed out in the open, too. I am not the type of person to hold things in. If I’m wounded, that bitch will bleed all over the place for all to see. I was painfully shy through most of my childhood years and didn’t speak up while I was being verbally abused and being bullied. Words shouldn’t hurt, but they do. Name-calling, picking on someone, leaving someone out, stopping a friendship without an explanation - they all hurt. Some people are better at the “Roll ‘Em Off Your Back” way of handling situations than others are. I feel, though, that there is a fine line between caring what others think and loving yourself enough to not care too much if the situation is detrimental to your self-love.
I’m still trying, in my own way, to pick myself up and get on my feet (I’m still sitting on the ground right now) after being knocked out and having to fight the beast of breast cancer and all the “damage” that “storm” brought my way. I still have dreams in my head, and most of all, in my heart, that I would like to see come true. I’ve had a lot of loss and grieving. Some dreams won’t come true, and if there is more than one lifetime, they’ll have to wait for another life. I’ve had some joy, but I know there’s more of that out there. If I am feeling this way, how many other people are broken, lost, feeling unloved, grieving a loss, beaten, and still dreaming? Surely I am not the only one. I know I’m not.
Our Demons, Monsters and Obstacles may all be different. Life if full of variety, and people’s pains and pleasures come in all kinds of shapes and colors. Aren’t the feelings the same, though? Can we not at least relate to that? I hope so. I have faith this is so. I BELIEVE it to be so.
Doesn’t it come down to this: Don’t we all want the same thing?